Fat Avenger
by runwitskizzers
Summary: [SasuSaku] Three weeks in to their [ridiculous, disgusting, hard, painful, annoying] training regimen, Sakura stopped him amidst his pushups. “Oi, Sasukekun, let's spar.” Complete.
1. Chapter 1

The word was finally his. Everything he was, encompassed in one word.

He was an _Avenger_. (Note: Capital 'A', implying importance, and ownership of said noun). Of the root _Venge_. (ad. OF. _vengier_, _venger_ (mod.F. _venger_, It. _vengiare_, Sp. _vengar_, Pg. _vingar_):L. _vindicre_ VINDICATE _v._ Cf. AVENGE _v_). It was his, him. And he was it.

Itachi had been returned to the Earth (he wasn't sure exactly how happy She was about this whole thing, either. Honestly, he'd rather spit the bastard right back out again.) Although…

"_Thank you… otouto."_

There was that. His nii-san had thanked him when he'd finished him off with his former sensei's signature move. He'd barely heard the infamous murderer of the Uchiha clan over all those birds squawking away. But, in the end, he _had_ heard it. And there _had_ been a taste of salt on his lips, and he _had_ rubbed his face to discover among the blood and dirt, there were tears on his face. He had killed his last kin, and along with the satisfaction of a job well done, was regret for his failure to recognize there was something beyond Itachi's madness. His clan had created the monster, and Sasuke had blindly finished him off. It hurt.

Now, here he was. In a dingy inn, hundreds of miles away from where he had killed his brother. He needed something to occupy his time, to get his mind to stop thinking all these thoughts that were slowly driving him mad. (… Because contrary to popular belief, he _wasn't_ mad, at least not yet).

_Rumble_.

He looked down at his lean stomach, the muscles were quivering… was he… hungry?

_Grumble_.

There it was again. He supposed he could eat something, the way his stomach was going on, you'd think it hadn't been fed in four days (it'd really only been about two hours).

Oh well, at least if he considered what food to buy, he wouldn't have to think about how he'd spent ten years trying (and succeeding) to destroy the only blood relative he had left.

He plodded down the stairs and out the inn door to find an appropriate restaurant to deal with his stomach's rumblin' and a grumblin'.

Six boxes of pocky, fourteen bowls of miso ramen, thirty-six rolls of sushi, and three shrimp dumplings later… he was finally full and perfectly content with his life. He could eat like this every day with the amount of money he'd stolen from Orochimaru's stores before taking off to … off his brother.

Now that he had achieved his goal at the ripe old age of eighteen, he had to consider what to do next.

Two pairs of eyes, and an odd one out, assailed his mind. The lone gray eye looked at him in acknowledgement, the blue eyes in fraternity, and the green… in adoration.

He would follow those eyes, and head home.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

_Six months later_.

"_Thank you… otouto_._"_

"Damn it!" He shook his head fiercely and reached into his pack for a stray spring roll he just _knew_ he'd left there. Finally finding it, he wandered through the forest he was in. Munching away, he considered what his teammates would say once he returned.

"_Oi Teme!! You're finally back!!"_

"_Oh Sasuke-kun, I still love you, let's go back to my house… my parents aren't home." _Of course, Sakura would say this suggestively, and he would smirk knowingly, and then they'd go back to her house and –

… There it was.

Konoha.

The gate beckoned him. _Welcome home_. Pulling his cloak tighter around him, and the hood up and over his face, he smirked an obnoxious smirk, suppressed his chakra and walked through.

Once inside, he figured the first thing he should do was see the Hokage… however, on the walk to the Hokage's office, he passed by a familiar ramen stand and before he knew it, he was sitting at the counter and on his thirty-second bowl. It was just too delicious.

"Um sir, we're out of miso…"

"Oh? Ok… I should get going any way." … It was rather surprising that no one had raised the alarm yet. Well, maybe they just finally gave up on the whole "get Sasuke back" thing and realized he'd eventually come back on his own if he lived… he abruptly cut his thinking off there. No, no more thinking about that. Maybe he would have one more bowl… only this time have beef since they were out of miso…

No, he had to go to the Hokage. Immediately!

Finally making it to the Hokage tower (which took a lot longer than he'd remembered… had he gotten slower? Nah…) he made his way up to Tsunade's office and bypassing the secretary outside, burst through the doors.

There was the fifth sitting at her desk with a look of surprise on her face. Of course she'd be surprised. Oh, and lucky him, there was Naruto standing beside the desk also staring at him in shock.

"I've achieved my goal. I'm back." He smirked at their obvious incredulousness.

Tsunade was the first to recover.

"… Okay…" And then Naruto broke in,

"Who the hell are you??? Obaachan, who the hell is this guy????"

What? Had his memory been wiped?!?! Sasuke waited patiently for Tsunade to explain that it was he, Uchiha Sasuke, returned from the bowels of hell.

"… I'm not sure, Naruto – And don't call me that in front of the new comer!!" To emphasize her point, she smacked the back of his head.

"I'm sooooooorry!!!"

"Well don't do it again, or I'll punch you so hard you'll fly through the ceiling and all the way to the monument."

"Yes ma'am."

Had they forgotten him? He'd just triumphantly returned, what the hell.

"Ahem." They both stopped their bickering and looked at him again.

"… Yes, right, so … who are you?" Sasuke blanched. How did they not know it was him?!

"… Dobe."

A dangerous aura had surrounded Naruto.

"You fat bastard, there's only one person who's allowed to call me that – and you're not him!!!" Sasuke watched Tsunade lay a hand on Naruto's arm. He calmed down enough to turn away from his former teammate. …Did Naruto just call him fat?

He glanced down at himself… he had gotten a little… wide around the middle he supposed. Looking at his hands, he realized that they did look somewhat pudgy.

… Oh dear. The realization had hit him. All that comfort eating he had been doing… he was… what kind of ninja got _fat_. Damn it.

…Although, this _could_ work in his favor. He could start his life all over again. There would be no reason for people to fear him as a traitor and missing nin. He could live and do as he pleased with no preconceptions messing with his life. It was perfect. There would be no menacing Uchiha shadows looming over him anymore. Perk numero uno. He could finally get away from his brother's post-mortem gaze.

"I'm sorry, Hokage-sama, I don't know what came over me. I would like to live in your village."

"Al…right." Tsunade looked at him weirdly, "You … may."

"Thank you, Hokage-sama." He bowed, and turned to leave.

"Hey wait!" Naruto's voice stopped him, "What's your name?"

"My name is Shumai Kyo."

"… Let's start over then, Kyo. As future Hokage, I should be able to get along with the villagers!! Dattebayo!!" Sasuke had to stop himself from hurtling another '_Dobe_' back at the energetic ninja. He merely stuck his pudgy, flaxen hand out to meet Naruto's in a handshake. "Woah, that's quite the grip you've got there, too bad you're so old, otherwise you could train to be a ninja, lose all that uh …" He trailed off here, awkwardly.

"All that what?" Inwardly, Sasuke grinned at Naruto's discomfort.

"…Shyness. Yes. All that shyness… well, I have to go. Ja ne!"

"Kyo…" The Hokage stopped Sasuke from leaving through the doors (unlike Naruto who had soared through the open window, conveniently located next to him). "Do you have a place to live?"

"Not yet, Hokage-sama. I was going to inquire around to see if there was a place for rent."

"I actually know of a place, if you're interested." She looked at him in what he assumed was meant to be a shrewd manner. "Do you want to dance with the devil, Kyo?"

"Excuse me?"

Tsunade shook herself out of her shrewd manner, and tried again.

"I mean, here's the address, just knock on the door and the people will let you see the apartment upstairs."

"Thank you," He bowed again, "I will remember the kindness of this leader's village." He turned to exit again, intent on finding the address that Tsunade had so graciously supplied him with. As soon as he was gone, Tsunade turned to the nin who had just hopped onto the window ledge,

"Make sure he's followed. I don't trust him, yet."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

Sasuke, meanwhile, was making his merry way across town when he ran into an old acquaintance. (By 'acquaintance' he meant 'stalker'). Yamanaka Ino was currently on her way to her boyfriend's house to wake his 'lazy ass' (her thoughts) up, when she bumped right into someone whom she should have had a very hard time to not see.

"OW, watch where you're going!" Ino gazed up at the behemoth in front of her, and if Sasuke was expecting her to, ahem, fangirl… he was to be sorely mistaken. "Hey jack ass, what are you looking at? Shouldn't you help me up?!" Not to be pushed, he merely gave her a glare… and a hand. It wouldn't do to be too Sasuke-like and alert the whole town. Rather than fawn over the glare as she would have done, once upon a time, she merely leveled one right back at him,

"Don't glare at me; you're lucky that someone like _you_ had the pleasure of helping someone like _me_." The way she said 'you', one would've thought that she was on the verge of vomiting. When she finally walked away, Sasuke couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief.

"You'll have to ignore her, she's kind of … mean when she's looking for Shikamaru." He turned at the sudden voice that had spoken up.

"Naruto."

"That's my name, don't wear it out!" The boisterous ninja stood up and proudly pointed a thumb at his chest. "Wanna go get some ramen?" Sasuke cringed, how was it, when he was remaking his entire identity, he was still stuck with the dobe as his only friend. The fates must hate him, truly.

"Well, I have to go to this address…"

"Oh that one, I live in that building too! We can go back together later! C'mon, Kyo! It's _raaaaamen_." This last word was sung at a very high octave that Sasuke was surprised Naruto could actually still hit at his age. Wait – same building?!

"Aa." He responded, weakly. The prospect of living next to Naruto for the rest of his life didn't exactly sound… hygienic. But, who was he to turn down ramen. Delicious.

Twenty minutes later they were seated at the same stand Sasuke had exited not even two hours earlier. Luckily, there'd been a shift change since then.

"So Kyo – " Naruto's unspoken question was cut off as another voice filled the air,

"Naruto!! You're back from your mission!! Idiot, why didn't you come find me?!" Sasuke put down his chopsticks, that could only be one person… who was currently tackling Naruto off his seat and to the ground.

"I'm soooorry, Sakura-chan! First I had to go see, Baa-chan, and then I got distracted by Hinata-chan, and _then_ I ran into this new guy!" Naruto tried to point at him but instead just ended up pointing at something on the ceiling from his position on the ground.

Sasuke took this time to … well, take _her_ in. She was, in a word, beautiful. Her hair was still that obnoxious shade of pink, her eyes were still the green he saw when his were closed, and she'd definitely grown up. A lot. In quite the pleasing fashion.

He had to fight to keep the smirk off his face.

"New guy?"

"Yeah! His name's Kyo, and he's from… well, I don't know where he's from. And he likes… well… I don't really know what he likes either… except ramen! Which makes him okay in my book."

Sakura turned her eyes on him, and his breath stalled. She knew. He knew she knew. Immediately. The hand she had at her side jerked, as if she wanted to bring it up and cover up the mouth that should be open in shock. But instead she recovered, instantaneously.

"Kyo-san, it's an honor to meet you. I'm Haruno Sakura, the second member of Naruto's team." She refrained from giving him her hand, he noticed.

"The pleasure is all mine, Haruno-san."

"Please, call me Sakura."

"As you wish, Sakura-san." She abruptly turned away from him and back to Naruto.

"Oi, Naruto, why don't you go meet up with Hinata again, I saw Kiba chatting her up about fifteen minutes ago."

"WHAT???" And without the slightest goodbye… or money… he was out the door and halfway to Tijuana. Or whatever.

That was when Sakura reached into her pocket, withdrew a wad of cash, slammed it down, grabbed Sasuke's arm, and in a deathgrip, hauled him to the nearest (abandoned) alleyway. This all happened in less than twenty seconds, allowing Sasuke to appreciate Sakura's speed, and apparent growth in strength and agility and hopefully flexibility, not to mention-

"Ok, _Kyo_, you have exactly one minute to explain what the _fuck_ you are doing here." She hadn't let go of his arm, and it was probably bruising, but he wouldn't let her know that. He decided she knew who he was anyway, so he dropped any pretense that was left.

"Sakura." Hearing his true voice for the first time in over three years had more of an affect on Sakura than she could have expected. This time she did bring her hand to her mouth, and stumbled back.

"Sasuke." Her questionable eyes disappeared and she wrapped her fingers around his throat before he could blink. He wasn't afraid. She would never kill him.

Hopefully.

* * *

A/N: This is dedicated to propertyoftheuchiha because it's the one-shot she requested for my one-shot contest that I had liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike forever ago. So, I turned it into a two-shot, because I'm the author, and I can, and I didn't think you all wanted to deal with a crazy long story (which is what it turned out to be, strangely enough). I hope this didn't offend anyone, seeing as how it wasn't meant to, it's all in good fun. And I'm sorry – the whole freakin time I was writing this story, I had this image of Sasuke's head, on what can only be described as a circle with legs, and it's the _funniest thing everrrr_.

Anyhow – read and review, bebés, then the next chapter comes up XD


	2. Chapter 2

"It's over." It did hurt a little to speak, with her gripping his throat like that, but he had to get it out. "I came home." All of a sudden, she released him and he fell to the street, gasping. Backing away slowly, she mirrored his movements and was soon sitting opposite him.

"It's… you… Itachi…"

"Dead." He spit the word out, hoping it accurately portrayed his disgust with himself. "Kakashi was right." He couldn't bear to look at her; he was a monster, a killer, a terrible person. He _wasn't_ Kyo and she knew it. _She saw him_. And then there was a hand on his cheek.

"Sasuke." This time, he could hear the twelve year old he'd left behind in her new voice. He looked back at her and gripped her wrist, but softly. He wouldn't hurt her again. Ever. She trailed her fingers down his face and to his chest, and then, "What did you _do_ to yourself?" And then she poked his flub.

"Hey!!! Quit it!!!" he screeched, in what he imagined was probably a very un-him-like manner. He tried to get away, but the excess weight wasn't going to help him in an impromptu spar against what seemed to be a new and improved Sakura, and so, he had to resign himself to being poked and prodded while she tried to figure out how he'd gone and gained all that weight. Of course, it all went straight to hell when she poked a particular spot behind one of the newly formed love handles and he barreled over laughing.

Yes, laughing. Sakura was so stunned by the deep, melodic chuckle that she nearly fell over. But thankfully for her sake, didn't.

"You know you're going to have to lose this weight, right?"

"No!" He would absolutely, under no circumstances, lose the perfect disguise he had so craftily (okay, maybe inadvertently) gained. Now that, my friends, is a pun.

"Sasuke-kun! It's not healthy! You could get heart disease, diabetes, all _sorts_ of diseases! And I'll be damned if I'll lose you to something like that when I just got you back again." Sasuke decided he liked her fierce side. As long as it wasn't directed at him, of course. She _would_ have to change her mind about this whole him losing weight thing. It just wasn't going to happen. "I swear I will castrate you before I let you do this to yourself." Or maybe it would.

"Sakura, don't you see? I can be someone else, I don't have to be Uchiha Sasuke, last remaining member of the great Uchiha clan, brother-killer. Murderer." His voice trailed off at the end, and the old him, the him that was still there, cursed himself for being so weak.

"Che, idiot." He glanced up at her in irritation, with a derisive slur already forming on his lips. Unfortunately, his breath cut short at the site of her face. It held in it, forgiveness, acceptance, and above all else, love. His old him wanted to snort. He wanted to cry. They settled for an in between and grinned grotesquely.

And then her fingers were at his throat again, and for one split second he thought she would strangle him until he felt the cooling chakra seeping from her fingertips.

"There are bruises." She said by way of explanation when he looked at her in askance. "You really do look ridiculous, you know. Naruto would probably never stop laughing if he found out it was you." At this he caught her hand, hard.

"He _can't_ know, Sakura. No one can. Except you." He hoped she would hear the unspoken trust in that statement. And in true Sakura fashion, she did. He could see it in the way whatever tension was left in her body dissipated, and how she let her fingers linger just a second longer than was necessary on his skin.

"Sakura? Is that you?" She immediately recoiled from Sasuke, and jumped to meet the person who had called her.

"Yeah, Shikamaru, it's me – what are you doing here?" Stupid girl, didn't she realize she sounded completely guilty.

"Hiding From Ino, who is no doubt at my house trying to figure out how to get past all the traps I got Naruto to set up… what are you doing here? And … oh, who's that?" He sounded as bored as ever, but Sasuke was very well aware of the intelligence the lazy ninja had.

"How did you get Naruto to… no never mind. I don't want to know. And this is Kyo, he's knew to Konoha."

"Ah Kyo, it's nice to meet you." And Sasuke would have believed him, had he not seen the most imperceptible of shakes in the man's hand as he offered it.

"Kyo… shake his hand."

"He knows, Sakura." She glanced at Shikamaru in surprise, he in turn shrugged his shoulders.

"I thought it'd be less of a hassle if I just pretended I didn't figure it out" And then he sighed. Loudly. "Something tells me I should have just kept walking. Unfortunately, I underestimated the Uchiha's perceptive abilities. This is going to be troublesome. I can tell."

"Well, um, aaah,"

"It's okay, I get it. I won't say anything right now, Sakura. But," He paused and Sasuke suddenly saw how Shikamaru had changed, "I won't stay quiet forever. He is still a traitor." Sasuke grit his teeth and looked away. He couldn't deny it because it was true. "Even if he doesn't look like he could do much trouble anyway. Ja ne. Kyo." And with a smirk that he didn't try to hide, Shikamaru walked off, raising a hand behind him in farewell.

"Well, shit. We have very little time to slim you down, get you a haircut, convince Tsunade-sama that Kyo disappeared, and that you just came in to town, and that you're very, very, very sorry about running off like a little girl to play with the snake-man."

"Sa-!"

"Don't even start with me. C'mon, we're going to my house. Which will be our base of operations…" As she continued talking, Sasuke was suddenly aware that maybe he didn't really know what torture was, and that maybe, just maybe, he was going to regret this. Did she just say something about no more spring rolls?!?!

Not too long afterwards, they were casually walking to Sakura's home together when all of a sudden, she gripped his collar and flung him up into a tree.

"AAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!" And he was _about_ to follow that up with a very colorful expression when he was cut off by none other than –

"SAKURA-CHAN!!!!"

"Hey Naruto, what's up?"

"What was that noise?" Sasuke stared down at the scene from his incredibly uncomfortable position amongst the branches into which Sakura had so kindly _thrown_ him. He watched as Sakura nervously clasped her hands behind her back.

"Oh that? Must've been a bird." He wished he could get his hand unstuck so he could smack it against his forehead. She was just so _bad_ at this.

"Wow, I bet it was huuuuge!" Lucky for her Naruto was so delightfully clueless sometimes. "Anyway, have you seen Kyo anywhere? Apparently, Baa-chan was supposed to have someone watch him, but they went to take a break while you were with him and now they can't find him."

"Ah, actually, um, he decided he didn't want to live here after all." His eyes widened. How was he going to get to her house now? It's not like people could _miss_ him walking in the middle of the street.

"What?! We were going to live next to each other! And eat ramen together! And train- no wait, definitely _not_ train together." Sasuke sweatdropped at the hideous fate he had seemingly cheated. "Oh well, guess it'll just be you and me, huh Sakura-chan!"

"As always, Naruto." Unfortunately, he could hear the smile in her voice, which did nothing for the tiny (yes, _tiny_) bubble of jealousy sitting and burning in his ample stomach. "Alright, well, I'm gonna head home – so I'll see you later, okay?"

"Ja ne!" Finally, the blonde ninja became a blonde blur as he headed away.

"Get me down, Sakura."

"Can't you get down yourself?"

"No. Obviously." She looked up at him with her deceptively innocent eyes.

"Why ever not?"

"Because I'm…" He paused wondering how to be honest and still save face, then gave up realizing that he couldn't. "Stuck." And of course, then came the laughter. "You don't have to _fall down_ laughing. Idiot."

"I'm not the one stuck in a tree, Kyo-kun." Then Sasuke saw the evilness behind the deceptive innocence in her eyes and realized that maybe Sakura wasn't as forgiving as he thought she was. "Guess you'll just have to wait it out then. It's probably better this way. I'll come get you when it's dark! Bye!!" And then she was gone. The bloody minx.

Hours and hours (and even more hours) later, after he'd tried several times to get out of the blasted, idiotic, hateful, horrific, awful, no good tree (unsuccessful tries, obviously) he finally saw her again. She was happily strolling towards him (and that _tree_) munching on a lone pocky. Oh how delicious it looked. His mouth was watering just thinking about it. He hadn't eaten in _ages_. Thankfully, his mind was so busy trying to think of a way out of the ridiculous predicament Sakura had gotten him into that he didn't even think of Itachi once. Of course, this thought brought on the hunger that had been forgotten. Damn.

"Hey Sasuke-kun! How was your day?"

"…"

"My day was great, after I left you, I went and met up with Ino and we gossiped over coffee… and then Sai and I sparred (I completely kicked his ass of course), then Naruto and I had some dinner after which he went off to his 'Hinata-chan', hmmm then what, oh, right – I wrote up a training regimen for you so you can get back into shape within weeks!!!"

"... I think I'm going to kill myself."

"How about I get you down now, huh?" If his hair wasn't already so tangled into the branches, he would've nodded. Emphatically.

… Of course, had he known that by get him down, she meant yank him out with that bizarr-o freakish strength of hers, he might've not acquiesced to such a deal. Boy did it hurt. The (damned spiteful) tree definitely kept a few tufts of his fabulous raven locks.

Ouch, damn it.

Weirdly enough, when Sakura went over his various cuts and bruises, it wasn't the chakra that made him feel better. It was just her touch.

"… Sasuke-kun… are you… _grinning_?"

"No."

…

Thankfully, they made it back go her home without any more … situations. Apparently, three in the morning was an _excellent_ time to travel.

"Okay, now Sasuke-kun, starting tomorrow, you are on a very strict diet… and you're not allowed to leave this house until you lose … well… all of that." Then she poked his tub again.

"Stooooop it!" And then he covered his mouth. "I mean, stop it. Sakura." He could see that his incredibly intelligent cover-up hadn't worked, because she was still grinning like an idiot. He turned his back to her, and so didn't catch the mirth leave her face. She hesitantly touched his shoulder.

"You know, Sasuke-kun… if you want to talk… about anything…" No, no no no no, that was not going to happen tonight. Not if he could help it.

"Sakura, I'm … I can't. I just … do you have any ramen?"

"Excuse me?"

"Ramen, do you have any?"

"… No."

"What do you have?" He started making his way to where he assumed the kitchen was. His stomach definitely needed some food. STAT.

"Sasuke-kun… are you… do you only eat when you think of Itachi?" His head whipped around, what? Only eat whenever he thought of … now that he did think about it… it was … oh God… he'd been eating to not think about the pain!!! He was like a middle-aged woman whose puppy had died. Oh God. Oh _God_. Sakura was still staring at him like he was the world's littlest orphan, and he was trying to work out in his head how exactly he had gotten to this point. "You are, aren't you?"

"…"

"Oh, Sasuke..." And then she had her arms around him, and he was trying very hard not to break in front of her, because as much as he had changed, there were some old standards that were just too ingrained to ignore. Like crying in front of women. An Uchiha did not do such a thing. He did, however, return the gesture, more for her than for him, of course. He was getting no comfort out of the embrace what-so-ever. No sir-ee. Absolutely nothing. Zilch. Nada. Zip.

… It did feel good, though.

"I'll fix you." He pulled away. She would do _what_?

"You'll what?"

"I'll fix you." He knew that look in her eyes. Even if he'd never noticed it before, it was one of intense determination. It was one he guessed she'd had in her eyes many times before. Something told him that she didn't fail very often. "I will, Sasuke-kun. Now, c'mon, I'll show you were you can sleep." And holding his hand, she led him to the spare bedroom. He reached the knob and she turned to go – but he had to know,

"Sakura, how did you know it was me? Nobody else recognized-"

"Sasuke-kun," She sweetly brought her hands up to his face, "It doesn't matter how old we get, how different we look, how strange we become, I will _always_ know you." Her hands resting on his cheeks quickly changed into grippers as she pinched them, "SQUISHY PUFFY CHEEKS!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAGHH!!!" He wrenched her hands away from him and glared. Chuckling, she brought those same (vicious) hands up to her face to wipe away the tears,

"Man, I have been waiting to do that _all_ night."

* * *

A/N: Omg Anj, what have you done to me? I know I said that this would be done in two chapters, but I'm a liar. And I couldn't fit it. I thought to myself, if I can get it all in eight pages… but I can't. This is six pages, and there's just no way I could think of to possibly be able to finish it all in two pages. We'll see. Maybe I will do it and the last bit will be really short… but probably not. Aye carumba. Okay, it's a three-shot. I SWEAR! Oye vay.

Also, for those of you reading ASTM… I'm really sorry. I had a whole idea on where to go next with it, but the latest manga chapters have really fucked with my head and so now I've kiiiind of got an insy teensy weensy bit of writer's block. But no worries. I'm sure I'll figure it out soon XD

Ok, that being said. Review my lovelies, tell me what you liked and what you didn't. Constructive criticism makes my heart smile.

Now I'm off. To get a tattoo. SQUEAL!


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't that Sasuke didn't enjoy training. Really. It wasn't. It was just that, after the _incident_, he really didn't have a reason to train. Well, he could've maintained his rigorous training regimen and come back to bring the Uchiha name into glory once again… but he just wasn't sure that he wanted to. Yes, that was it. Definitely not because he was lazy.

Uchiha Sasuke was – not – lazy.

"Sasuke-kun, you get out of bed this _instant_, or I will personally make sure that your tongue loses ALL ITS TASTEBUDS!!!!" Ha. Empty threat if he ever heard one. From under the delightfully soft covers, he heard the door open, and footstomps coming toward him. "Sasuke…" Hm, somehow this dark-toned, whispering voice of hers was significantly more menacing than Sakura yelling. He inched the cover down his face and opened one eye to look at her.

Interesting, there was steam coming out of her ears. Maybe persuasion would work.

"NyehSakuraitseeeeearly." Damn it. There went his covers… hey wait! Why was she gripping his foot – AH!! "Sakura!!! Let me go!!! I'll get up!! I PROMIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!!" Too late. Turns out, clawing your nails on the floor, really doesn't help at _all_ when someone is using their freakishly barbaric strength to take you somewhere. It was all for naught, he realized as she threw in the bathroom and went on her marry way. Probably to eat something delicious.

Ten minutes later he was downstairs and in the kitchen, eagerly awaiting breakfast. Or maybe it was dinner… considering it was still dark outside. He kept this thought to himself as Sakura handed him a glass of something. He put it down on the table and waited for the food.

And waited some more.

And then some.

"Sasuke-kun, aren't you going to drink your breakfast?"

"Excuse me?…" He eyed the glass of brown liquid. "Breakfast?"

"It's Slimfast."

"…"

"Sasuke-kun, please stop banging your head on the table, you'll wake the neighbors." She pushed the glass towards him, "Come on now, drink up. You're going to need your energy.

…

As Sasuke did his one thousand and first crunch, he mulled over Sakura's words. Going to need his energy. Talk about the understatement of the millennia. His muscles (which had been hiding under his pudge) were screaming in agony after months of being ignored. They were severely displeased with him. It made sense, in a way. He neglects them and then randomly decides 'oh hey, I was just kidding, let's hang out'? He'd give himself hell, too.

"Alright, Sasuke-kun! Water-break, and then we can start squats!!!" She was entirely too excited for her own good. "I can't wait till you're good enough to spar! We're going to have _so much fun_!"

If there were any Gods that had any mercy left for him whatsoever, they would shoot down some lightening and grant him his eternal respite. He paused, as if waiting for said lightening. There… was that a glint?! No… just sunlight reflecting off of one of Sakura's stray kunai. Sigh.

"Okay, Sasuke – time for squats! Let's go! And one, and two, and three, and…"

"Sakura, you don't have to count every time."

"Ah, sorry 'bout that, Sasuke-kun. Habit."

He was given another a tiny salad and some fat free dressing at lunch, and then they were back at it.

"Laps, Sasuke-kun! 100!"

"Sakura, are you trying to _kill_ me?!" Sasuke leaned over, clutching his chest. It was just so hard to run now.

"Lee-kun can do one thousand laps and not even break a sweat. Are you saying he's _better_ than you, Sasuke-chan?" He (naturally) bristled at her words. Anything Lee could do he could do better… he could do _anything_ better than Lee!! And Lee-_kun_? He thought not.

"I'll show that eyebrow freak a thing or too…" He mumbled as he took off.

"What was that, Sasuke?"

"Nothing."

And so the days passed. He knew nothing of the world outside of Sakura's home and their private training area… which was still kind of a mystery to him. Every time he asked, the task-master (as he had taken to calling Sakura in his head when she was being less than acquiescent) brushed him off, saying it didn't matter. He found this to be rather… ominous.

Three weeks in to their (ridiculous, disgusting, hard, painful, _annoying_) training regimen, Sakura stopped him amidst his pushups.

"Oi, Sasuke-kun, let's spar."

"Excuse me?"

"I think it's time." She had her hand on his shoulder, he could feel her fingers lightly sliding over his skin. Pushing her hand away, he got up and dusted himself off.

"Alright. If you say so." He added a 'please don't kill me' in his head of course. Not that she would ever know. Ever.

They faced each other in the middle of the field, and then she was gone. Where did she – behind him, typical. He hadn't even activated his bloodline yet, this was going to be a piece of –

"What the-" There was a hand gripping his ankle and all of a sudden he felt a rather violent kick to his gut.

"Tch, tch, tch Sasuke-kun, you can't leave your guard down." She came at him then, jumping high in the air, her fist (chakra-infused he assumed) pulled back, ready to pummel him into the ground. His body might've regressed a bit, but his mind was as sharp as ever. He knew her weakness was that she couldn't change direction mid-air, and so he sidestepped and jumped the hell out of the way before she punched the ground. He knew how that would go.

Before he could take another breath, she was behind him again – how had she gotten so bloody fast?! He flipped around and threw a sharp punch to her jaw, and then zipped behind her to kick her down to the ground. Unfortunately, when his kick connected, it was with a tree log instead of her body. Damn. He should've seen that coming – and would have had he had his sharingan on. Now where was she… she was definitely suppressing her chakra… the earth? No. She'd know he would think of that. Or maybe she was counting on the fact that he knew she knew that he'd think of that. Or maybe she knew that he knew that she knew that – no, damn it. Not helping.

Best stay in the trees just in case. He heard the kunai before he saw them, whistling through the air directly towards his heart. Flipping gracefully to the earth, he paused, allowing his hearing to detect any abnormality in the surrounding area – there! A rustle! He was instantly at Sakura's side, holding a kunai to her throat.

"Ah, Sasuke-kun–" And then she, no the clone, dissipated in a puff of smoke. And instead, there was a kunai against his throat and his arm was twisted behind his back. Fuck. He'd get have to get serious.

"_Sharingan_." He murmured it, but she caught it anyhow.

"You haven't been fighting with your sharingan?!" He took her momentary surprise to his advantage and gripped her hand and flipped her over his back, one handed he was proud to say. She was up instantly, not allowing him an opening, but it didn't matter. The match was his. Moving faster than should be humanly possible, he went around her in circles, barraging the girl with senbon, kunai, and the intermittent fireball until she was on her knees. Then he stopped and stood in front of her, a kunai in his hand and ready for use should she want to continue.

"Had enough, Sakura?" He forgot what this felt like, the outcome of a good spar against a teammate, knowing life and death was _not_ on the line. It was exhilarating, and a feeling he hadn't had in a very long time. She looked up at him and gasped. What was she so surprised about? It wasn't like he could possibly have _lost_, even if he had gained some weight… he was still an _Uchiha_, and being the best just came naturally to him.

"Sasuke-… you have… _mangekyo_?" He stepped back, surprised. What? No he didn't. He hadn't taken Itachi's 'advice'. He'd done it his own way. He didn't have eyes like his brother, he didn't. There was no way that he had – … his vision _was_ clearer than it was the last time he'd used his sharingan (incidentally, this was during the Uchiha showdown) and – no, fuck. This was not happening. "…Sasuke?"

"I don't know, I don't know how this – I was just … how could I have it and not know _how_ I got it?" He looked crazy, part of him knew that. He was rubbing at his eyes as if he could make that _taint_, that bloody mangekyo bullshit disappear. Shaking his head back and forth to rid them of the thoughts, anything to stop – eyes like _his_. He must've… oh God.

"It was from killing Itachi – …you still loved your brother." She reached forward to touch his arm, but he moved before she could. This was not at all how he'd envisioned things to go.

"Shut up."

"Sasuke – just let me –"

"No, Sakura, just – just stop it. I don't want to think – I can't, I…" He sat down in the grass, deactivating the reason for his bewilderment.

"You have to. Otherwise all the work we've … you've done these past weeks would be for nothing, because the minute you think of your brother, you're going to want to compensate." She paused and smiled (which he bizarrely found himself finding… pretty), "And as much as I truly, _deeply_ enjoy your company… I'll be damned if I'm going to train you like this again." She moved to touch him again, and this time made contact. Holding his hand like he was some lost little boy, unable to do anything for himself. This thought didn't stop him from enjoying the feel of it, though. "You have to tell _someone_ what happened, even it's not me. You have to talk about it, or it'll eat you up from inside."

"I can't –" She abruptly locked their fingers together, ending his sentence prematurely.

"Actually Sasuke, you can. You know you can." And when her hand was connected to his, he found that could. So he opened his mouth and he did.

"He was my _brother_…" His voice cracked here, but he continued on, "And in the beginning, he loved me. I know he did." And he went on to tell her everything, from his brother's patricide and to his fratricide. And she listened to every word.

…

Some vast (or miniscule, he wasn't sure) amount of time later – after she had shed her tears, and he had shed his (much to his chagrin) – they were back at her house.

"Sasuke-kun, I want to show you something." It was probably a protein shake. "C'mere." She pulled him up and dragged him up the stairs to the guest bathroom. "Look."

Oh. _Oooooh._ It was him, in the mirror. He looked like…

"You're you again, Sasuke-kun!!!" She was squealing. Oh god, she was actually squealing. As annoying at it was, he knew that he would do anything to have her make that sound again and again and a- "Sasuke-kun? What do you think?" What did he think? She'd gotten him back to his self in three weeks. He _thought_ she was nothing short of amazing. Of course, there was still the matter of that other _him_ that would never let him say that out loud.

"I… I look… thank you." She shrunk away a little bit at his words, he should've remembered. "I mean… I always mean it, Sakura. Always." He turned away before she could say anything, "But I guess this means its time to go see the Gondaime."

"Well, hm, before we do that…" What else was there to do? He'd lost the weight, he'd proven that he still had the skills to be a shinobi. "I'm glad you know that we can _talk_, Sasuke-kun." _Can_ talk? They'd done nothing but talk. He'd never talked so much in his whole _life_. The girl talked All. The. Time. It was insane. Of course, he was staying with her, and she was _helping_ him of her own accord… so decorum stated that he'd have to humor her incessant chatting. And of course, he hadn't enjoyed it. No way. No how.

… Except maybe a little bit.

"But…" … but what? What the – ow, she didn't have to push him, he hadn't even _done_ anything!

"Sakura what are you – mmphhhh" … She was kissing him. She was _kissing him_! Her hands went from his shoulders and were now going through his hair, which felt a lot better than he would've expected. Actually, the entire experience was definitely going down on the short list of positive occurrences in his life. …Should he put his hands in her hair? Or keep them on her hips or… bloody hell this was difficult. He'd keep them on her hips… but pull her closer. Yes. That was a reasonable compromise.

… Oh God.

She just put her tongue in his mouth.

Amazing.

….

Later, when she'd pulled away blushing rather prettily (he thought), she'd thanked him and apologized, to which he uttered the ever popular (lady killing),

"Hn." Of course, he hurried to continue when he'd seen her eyes widen and her hands clench, "Don't apologize. Or thank me. I …"

"You…?"

"I – you – good." Oh, God damn it.

"What?"

"I'm … glad that it happened." He couldn't even look at her, this was so demeaning. Of course, she'd seen him at his worst, so he supposed it shouldn't really matter. She just leaned against his shoulder and smiled.

"I know. I just wanted you to say it." Women were morally reprehensible creatures. Of this there was no doubt in his mind, whatsoever. "Ok, let's go see Tsunade-sama!!"

"You realize that she's going to lock me up."

"Probably."

"And that nobody's going to trust me for a very long time."

"It's okay."

"It'll only be you and me."

"And Naruto."

"… And Naruto." Sigh.

"I still love you, Sasuke-kun." … That's a powerful thing. Now that's irony. "But I can't wait till Ino-pig finds out that that you love _me_!!" Did someone just say 'Shannaro'?...

"What?!" But then she kissed him again and it didn't matter what she said or where they were going because everything would be alright.

…

Suffice to say that everything ended well for them. Turns out Sakura had an in with the Gondaime – who knew? He spent a month in solitary (which wasn't as solitary as it should've been with a certain team sneaking in and getting together to bug the hell out of him, you'd think his ex-Sensei would know better), five months in regular prison, another six on probation, and then he was free. Of these twelve months, he was fairly certain Naruto was laughing for at least ten of them (not the first two because it took him that long to understand that 'Kyo' was Sasuke, and that Kyo hadn't actually been eaten by sharks as Sakura had so kindly told him).

Now he was working his way up the nin-ladder… slowly, because Tsunade still kind of hated him. He took pleasure in the fact that she still didn't know that he and Kyo were the same, and thought about how he'd pulled the wool over her eyes (oh yes he had) every time she glared at him (which was often).

His eating had come back under control thanks to Sakura's influence – that and the fact that he'd sworn off ramen after two weeks of being around Naruto. Itachi no longer held so much of his heart that he couldn't see straight. The hole left there wasn't completely healed, but it wasn't a gaping wound anymore either. He could breathe again, and that was all he needed.

He and Sakura were engaged, finally. 'Finally' because she'd thrown him out the house the first time he'd told her to marry him. Something about him not asking. Who knows? She was nuts.

And he loved her for it.

* * *

A/N: And we're done. Anj, your masterpiece is complete. Not that I'm saying it's a masterpiece. The ending's rushed, I know. But I had to end it. Je suis desolée. I also hadhadhad to put some angst/fluffiness in there because (say it with me now) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw so cuuuuute. Okay, I'm done. And yes, the spar was crappy – but that's because I can't write action for shit (which is why I write sooo much dialogue) and there are plot holes, and some issues that have no closure – but alas… I don't want to make this bit too long (even though I'm kind of in love with the Sasuke in this story).

So, my sister did a five minute sketch of fat sasuke, and it's kind of awesome:

wwwDOTdeviantartDOTcomSLASHdeviationSLASH51096127

hahaha, I'm laughing just thinking about it.

Also, for those of you who care to see… my new tattoo (which didn't hurt quite as bad as I was expecting it to):

wwwDOTdeviantartDOTcomSLASHdeviationSLASH51835350

….

And if you want to browse around my devArt page, read my original stuff – I won't mind, really. (end shameless plug).

Soooo yes, this is over. And now I will return mine eye to And So They Met because it just occurred to me earlier today that it's been over a month since I've updated it for which I am very, very, very sorry. Please don't kill me. I'm on it, I swear.

…

After I get back from Gainesville this weekend, that is.

P.S. **GO GATORS!!!**

P.P.S. Review as always, bebés, I love to hear what you think!


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